Frequently Asked Questions
Is 24/7 Chastity Realistic?
Realistic? Somewhat. It would require practice, attention to details, and monitoring for health & safety, but it has been done, according to many claims on different message forums.
At some point, it would be recommended to remove the chastity device to allow for cleaning, inspection, and any other health issue. That's not to say your keyholder couldn't tie you up while removing your cage to wash/inspect for issues, then put it back on and lock it, only to release the restraints once the cage is back on and locked. Your keyholder would be 100% in control at this point.
You would definitely want to get a stainless steel cage over plastic. They allow for more breathing and less accumulated moisture. You may need to try several cages to see what works for you.
You'd also need to approach this by slowly increasing lockup time, and have a major focus on being able to sleep in it. This will take some time. After several months of working towards this you'll figure out if it could be pulled off over a lengthened amount of time. Even then, acknowledge that you may need to remove the cage on occasion for cleaning and inspection. Health is the biggest issue, so safety first!
Some things you'll need to consider:
- If you fly a lot, you need to make sure you can handle TSA and other security. The same goes with anywhere that utilizes a metal detector such as courtroom, night club, or concert venue. Some find the rush of getting caught thrilling as part of the D/s dynamic. Just make sure that you can explain to a worker that it is an intimate piece of jewelry, and respect that they do not want to be part of your sex life.
- You'll need to find a way to keep clean for hygiene. Open cages work better, especially if made of stainless steel.
- Agreed upon a plan for cleaning maintenance and inspection for medical issues arising. While this can be a buzzkill, you need to make sure this is set in place.
- Removal for contact sports and related situations need to also be considered. If hit awkwardly, this can hurt parts of your body.
So, in summary, yes it is realistic if you are willing to make dedicated lifestyle changes for this fetish. Take your time and have fun!
My husband wants me to keep him locked in chastity. Does that mean he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore?
This usually means the opposite! In a chastity-fueled relationship, your husband wants you to be able to decide when he is allowed to have pleasure. This can be seen as a romantic act of submission, and also him giving up his control of his own pleasure to you. In no way does this mean he is less attracted to you, but rather he may want to spice things up with some kinky play.
Before telling you how to decide if you want to do this or not, you should have some sort of interest to try this. Remember, kink and sexual play needs to have all parties consenting before anything is to be tried, and always remember this. Don't feel a pressure to do something you aren't comfortable with!
If you decide to give this a try, you want to be open-minded. Your husband wants to give you control so you can call the shots when it comes to pleasure. He will quickly learn what that means in terms of you having complete control. Once a submissive learns their place at your mercy, it can be an intoxicating feeling :)
One major thing to note is that you probably don't want to lock him up and expect zero sexual intimacy until you decide. Your husband will get increasingly turned on and he will most likely show it through physical touch, increased intimacy, volunteering to do chores or other tedious tasks, romantic gestures, etc. He will probably be discouraged if you ignore all sexual interactions, so teasing may be recommended from time to time to keep him on the edge. Simply locking him up to forget about any sexual needs often does not end well, and your husband may become discouraged to that type of dynamic (although some may prefer this). It is very important to have discussions of expectations, limits, how to communicate outside of the kink dynamic, etc. Consider the following:
- Should we do a trial run where the submissive has an emergency key?
Yeah, probably a good idea, especially if there is an emergency and the submissive has not yet acclimated to wearing a device
- Should we discuss expectations?
Of course! Make sure all parties agree on what they expect to get out of this. In a dynamic between a couple, both Dominant and submissive should explain what they plan to get out of it, what they plan to provide the other in this dynamic, and what they are expecting both in terms of sexual play and non-sexual play.
- Should we establish limits for lockup time?
In the beginning, limits are a great way to establish trust and fairness. The submissive may only be okay a few days in chastity to test the physical and mental impact of chastity, so this limit must be respected in open and honest communication outside the kink dynamic. As time goes on and trust is established, the Dominant may decide to set limits after understanding where the submissive stands. Also, an emergency safe word is a great idea!
How do I tell my partner about this kink without seeming weird?
First off, we're all a little weird in our own ways. This is hardly the weirdest thing your average person will encounter in their life. Embrace the uniqueness :)
Okay, so you want to tell your partner that you're into him/her locking your genitals away and deny you the ability to have an orgasm. That's quite possibly one of the worst ways to bring it up to them. As with any sexual kink, you want to approach it in the following ways:
- Confidence - I know what I like, and I like this. I'm confident in sharing my sexuality with you because I'm confident in myself.
- Openness - I'm more than willing to hear your opinion/take on this. I understand this may not be for everyone, but I want to share this with you.
- Layered Reveal - I am going to slowly explain this kink instead of dropping a huge bomb within the first 10 seconds. This will help my partner understand this kink in a series of steps instead of a giant leap.
With those ideas in mind, you want to slowly explain the process. Here is a sample letter one could write to their partner:
To my partner,
First off, don't freak out! This is nothing bad, rather I am simply trying to share something intimate and personal with you that I would like to try. It's a little adventurous and maybe a but wild, but don't freak out, it's nothing extreme, but maybe a little embarrassing if you find it weird. I trust you to at the very least have an open mind, and at no point do we ever have to try this. I want to share this with you and see if you'd be interested in giving it a try. The net goal of this is that you enjoy it, so it can't be that bad!
Something that really interests me is when my partner has some sort of control or power over me. I like the idea of you being in charge in the bedroom, and the thought really turns me on. I'm turned on by the idea of you being in charge sometimes. Keep in mind that this would be in the bedroom, and would not intrude on our relationship outside of that, and if at any point this is not something you're into, I totally understand and maybe we could at the very least have an open and judgement-free conversation about this.
So, you're still reading? Cool! Hopefully you're open to the idea of giving it a try.
At some point I was exploring this thing online, and found something that caught my eye. The sex-toy world right now is crazy clever. One thing really caught my attention, and I can't stop thinking about us using it! It's something that I'd wear, so it's nothing that would be "used" on you. Again, no pressure, but I hope you have an open mind.
There's this device called a chastity device/cage. Yeah, it's those things used in medieval days to keep women from having pre-marital sex. These devices are... well... interesting to me. I saw a kinky sex toy store had one and I thought it would be really cool to try one of these out. (if male: They have actually made these form-fitting cages that trap the guy's penis inside of it so he cannot get hard, and therefore he won't be able to have an orgasm). Modern versions of these apparently vary in all shapes and sizes, and I think it would be cool to try this out. The beginner ones are inexpensive, and maybe we could try playing with this? Maybe one lazy Saturday we can take a morning to figure this out, and see if I can try wearing it for an hour or two. Maybe later in the evening we could try locking me in it so you have the key, and let me do nice things for you, like rub your back, do some chores around the house while you kick your feet up, or maybe I please you sexually while locked up? The idea of this really excites me, and I think it could be something fun to try.
I'm sure we'll have some hilarious hiccups while trying this out, but I think it could be a lot of fun to try something new and a little bit kinky! Worst case, it becomes a unique experience we share together, and it would mean a lot to me that you gave it a try.
So, this might seem very focused on me, and I am definitely excited at the idea of trying this, but there's also something I think you could find very enjoyable. I would love to make sure you enjoy this experience through this dynamic. As I suggested previously, when I am under lock and key in this dynamic, you're in charge of me. I think it would be a lot of fun to see what you do with this power.
I hope you would be willing to give this a try, but I don't want to pressure you into it. I won't initiate any more conversation about it, and I hope you let me know how you feel. I appreciate you a lot, and I wanted to share this intimacy with you. I only ask that we get to have a good open-ended conversation about this afterwards, where I encourage you to ask as many questions as you like. I've done some research, but if I don't have an answer, maybe we can try to figure it out together. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I wanted to say thanks for taking the time to read this!
Feel free to use any part of this letter for any need.
Will long term chastity shrink the size of my penis?
The general consensus of this is no, based on many personal accounts of many message forums we have browsed. On many message forums, this became a fetish in itself as an act of submission, where the sub would surrender their penis size to their keyholder via long term confinement, which added to the excitement of power exchange. This is not true, but maybe a fun fantasy to some. However...
If a penis is confined in chastity for an extended amount of time, such as a week or longer, the first couple erections may not reach full "normal" size due to the sponge-like tissue not being used to growing and absorbing blood. After some time left out and a few erections, things should go back to normal.
If this is still a concern, it may be within the submissive's and Dominant's interest to let the submissive out for some time, allow the submissive to become erect, (maybe add a little bit of tease and denial for fun,) and return the sub back to being caged.
I'm a male who gets erect every time I try to put on the cage. What can I do to get the cage on before getting hard?
This is a common problem for first-timers. It's very exciting! So exciting, in fact, that it makes it very difficult to even put on the cage. There are three popular approaches to this.
The first solution involves getting the blood flow away from the penis. Through some tense exercise, like flexing thigh muscles, doing sit-ups, or squats, you pull the blood away from the penis and into those muscles being worked. Eventually, the blood will leave and leave the penis flaccid. Once that happens, the cage should fit on perfectly!
The second solution is to use ice or something very cold. A frozen bag of vegetables, ice cubes in a plastic bag, a freezer pack, etc. are all fantastic ways to apply cold to the penis. This will cause the penis to lose blood and become flaccid.
The third method is through thoughts. Think of things that are not sexy, such as doing your taxes, baseball, figuring out prime numbers, etc. This will get you soft in no time. Just make sure you're still into the idea of locking up!